I know I shouldn't be the one getting pissed off but I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me.
I told you what I told you last night and I apologise. Suprisingly a nice convo. over msn in the end. Yeh peace.

I'm going down to Peninsular and then to Parkway. Dumb BeYourselfDay. Irritating as hell. But anyway..I'm still tired even though I woke up at one. Mum didn't wake me up, wonder why she's so nice today lol. But I hope she goes out later. So I can stay home alone yay. Stupid H. haven't reply to me yet! Waiting- and oh, I missed my compo test today. Not to forget, me and yh are not the same, Shaffirul. Tsk. Enjoy now and when the holiday ends, I'm gone.

Bai balls.
(Talking about balls I miss Ikea's meatballs man..)

I've heard it said today is all we're given,
Tomorrow may not come so you better start living,
I guess it all depends on your point of view, yeah.

Pardon me if I just don't listen
To everything the world says I'm missing,
There's nothing here
And now I'm gonna hold on to, hold on to.
I asked if Zb was gonna go to school tmr and she went..

Zb says:
Not sure. (some eyebrow moving smiley)
Zb says:
Jh's eyebrown >> (some eyebrow moving smiley)
Sleep through the static says:
hahaha horny face
Sleep through the static says:
HAHAHAHA!!!!!!
Zb says:
LOL
Sleep through the static says:
busted

Joan then showed me the eyebrow moving smiley again...


Joan says:
Only a smile?
Joan says:
Your brows are chu mai-ing you (eyebrow moving smiley)
Sleep through the static says:
no! haha
Joan says:
I can see it man

--

But anyway, detention was fun disturbing those two kids from 1I1. Training was alright and I hate the game ParkingLot because I can't seem to solve puzzle 39 out of 40. Busted ipodtouch. I'm gonna skip school tomorrow just because I'm too lazy and can't be bothered. I am worrying what to wear on Friday and it's Friday! Party time(!!!) I have some dumb Volleyball camp on Saturday and Sunday and it's non-residential. They even call it a camp. Dumb fuck school. I have to wake up at 5 because I stay at Marine Parade and the thing starts at 7.30am (!!!) Rock climbing and that's part of the camp. F...

SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME TO GET MY ASS TO MELBOURNE OR SMTH. I'M VERY VERY AND EXTREMELY AND SUPER SICK OF THIS VERY FAST PACED SG LIFE. RUNNING OUT OF OXYGEN AND NO AIR NO AIR. DUMB FUCK SG TEACHERS LIKE SG GOVERNMENT'S SYSTEM. IT SUCKS AND FOR YOUR BALLZ SAKE I DON'T LIKE IT. EVERYTHING HERE IS ABOUT CASH CASH AND MORE CASH. NO TIME TO CHILLZ AND STUCK WITH ALL THE FAGGOTS AND PUSSY FACED FEMALE DOGS.

Well my results are pretty okay. I'm pretty satisfied and so is my mum. I hope for the better for my endofyear. I hope throughtrain will be mine. Heh.

Alright. Phone time.

Baibai.

--

If I could I would do all of this again
Travel back in time with you to where this all began
We could hide inside ourselves and leave the world behind
And make believe there's something left to find

We'll be miles apart
I'll keep you deep inside
You're always in my heart
A new life to start
I may be leaving but you're always in my heart

Now we've all grown up, gone on and moved away
Nothing I can do about it, nothing I can say
To bring us back to where we were when life was not this hard (life was not this hard)
Looking back it all just seems so far, so far away

We'll be miles apart
I'll keep you deep inside
You're always in my heart
A new life to start
I may be leaving but you're always in my heart

I'd give it up for just one more day with you
Give it up for just one more day
I'd give it up for just one more day with you
HELLU EVERYONE! APPLESKIN IS BACK ;D Hahah yehhhhhh man. I haven't been blogging but I have been playing games on my ipod and I'm happy :) Not really but... Anyway. I've scored pretty well for my EL, except it ain't a A1 but I'm still tryin' to. I failed geog and math. I know I will make it through for promotion but not too sure about nailing throughtrain. Ah.. I hope mum allows me to do foundational studies over at Aust. Dumb JC sounds so hard. A NA student for JC? Not impossible but I'm not up for it.

Trainings have been okay and I need to buy a set of PJs for that dumb gay beyourselfday. I'm going for shopping. Heeeeee.

Bye all!

"Throw it away
Forget yesterday
We'll make a great escape"
Hellu bitches! Are you all surprised like why am I still alive after my trainings? Well the answer is - because today's training was not what I expected. I expected it to be like shit and it turns out to be very nice today! Long time since I enjoyed trainings like that. Even though we only fought for 10 sets but I really enjoyed it and first after a long time that everyone wants to train longer. Coach had to say sorry to us too. Yes Ngee Ann, we'll do it together. National Champs next year, go go go!
Carolyn is back. Thanks to myself, for spraining my ankle. I have learnt my lesson and the old me is back, yes (!!!) Thanks Ernest, for the drinks and bread! Not to mention, this time's team combination sure has made me stronger. I swear I ain't talking about who is lousy and all but obviously my team was the weakest among all. Is coach like looking up on me or he just wants my life? He can just ask me directly for it. No point trying to kill me indirectly, it ain't 100% too anyway.

China Overseas Volleyball trip will make us all miss the U16 Youth Cup and we will not play, for obvious reasons. Duh. I now dread going for the trip. As much as I want to go to China, definitely not Guangzhou. A place where I'd get robbed and all that, people having raw monkey brains for meals and all. I just...ew. Camp on the 30th to 31st. Waste my time. Some dumb fk school you are, my dear school. Bunch of losers packed in one loser school. Naturing faggy students.

I got my ipodtouch today(!!!) I am happy but I sorta regret buying it. But yeah, you know, I can exchange PSP with Zb the rocker! Thanks J for helping me to jailbreak and all.
I need a new pair of spectacles before I go blind. Dad please get your laptop soon. Or I'll die before this comp dies. Sigh.

Piano tmr. I hate this. I'm stuck with all the rubbish. AH!

K I'm gonna burn in my dreams. No love.
I am thinking of a new blog url.. Such a (!!!) I am a happy because I have been constantly accelerating in English! All A1 for my compositions since this term started. Yay! I hope I get at least a B4 for my overall. Isabel said I look skinnier in the recent pictures I took. I hope I seriously have lost a bit. I reduced the amount of food intake for quite some time already. I hope it's all worth it.

I'm back at MP. Something happened between the families. Misinterpretation of words they speak. I just rejected bel, she asked me out to study after piano on sunday. Sorry bel! :( (I'm bored to that extent that I am friendster hopping. Damn..)

Money No Enough 2 today with Nurul and all. Sounds weird that I'm hanging out with her but I just wanted to watch that movie and most of the people in the group has watched it already so... Nurul is fun! Hahah. I like. Anyway. The show was such a irritating show. Made me laughed and cried and I can't even catch up - I was crying and laughing at the same time. It's both extremely funny and sad.

I had quiet a good day. But my mood is still below average. Killz me. Oh not forgetting we're starting our "Camp Dragon" (It's suppose to be gl to the Camp Phoenix lol) next friday from 6-9 PM. I must pretend that I'm taking O's. I failed my geog too. From the face of Ms Low's, it's painful obvious. She was so pissed off already when we asked her. Tsk. Geography...

Ah bye all.

"Talent wins games, but teamwork and intelligence win championships.
You have to expect things of yourself before you can do them.
I never looked at the consequences of missing a big shot... when you think about the consequences you always think of a negative result."
- Michael Jordan

Got it off J's blog. The line that I bolded is so fking right. I think I have always been like that. I'm too cautious with the stuff I do. I know I'm not that strong. I can't take the shit. I always think about the consequences and I get negative thoughts. Sigh.
My title isn't any random title but it means something. Well shit, my dad just text me and said that he ain't gonna get me my ipodtouch (Sigh no. 1) Thanks dad (Mark the scarsm) As I've said, bad things come all at once and good things happen like how you pay your installments. Ah well. Again, so much for trusting what people say... (Big sigh)


Sigh no. 2, basketball girls lost to Unity by 2 balls! Tsk. It is such a waste. They were 2 balls away from getting into the top 4! Things never really always comes out the way you want it to be, I guess (and I know)
Sigh no. 3, I'm so gonna fail my math. I can't remember my Cosine Rule and the others I just totally fucked up. I teared but there is no point. I hope my Geog can hit the passing line at least. Let my pass my Combine Humans pls (!!!)

English was pretty alright today. I hope I score for my summary and all. I do not hold any hopes of passing my math, at least I know I won't get a zero.


Okay. I feel like shit but so what. I feel like shit everyday and will never fail to feel that way.
Dad just called and I cried. I finally told him my shit. Mum is near me, being a pussy still. Why can't she ever understand. She thinks that I'm always out and not studying. I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DO MY MATH, WHEN WILL SHE UNDERSTAND THAT I TRIED?


(Oh, dad is getting me my ipodtouch, he changed his mind again. Tsk, fickled minded like girlz)


I hate myself for thinking so much into stuffs, worrying so much, being so no confident in myself and being such a dumb loser. I feel like ending my life soon after I do what I wanna.

(Here Zachary comes telling me words again, senseless ones-.-)

I
AM
SAD
I know I keep saying that I'm sad but I look perfectly fine and I know I don't say anything about it but I really am. I just want to say it here but not anywhere. I know I'm a tad troublesome but ahhhhhhhhhhh

kill me
shoot me
burn!!!!!!

Someone....save me.
Sighhhhhh

"I know it's mad, but if i go to hell,
will you come with me,or just leave?
I know it's mad, but if the world were ending,
would you kiss me, or just leave me?
Just leave me. "
"We're a team, we put our hands together and look out for each other," -Yaoming
Ignore that person who have said it because it's Yaoming but what he has said sure made alot of sense. Team Nas, can we do that?

I had a great time at J's. Her dad was a fun guy, he was the banker. No drowning in alcohol, no one got wasted. Food was not bad. Home at 12.30am. I think Bunny and Jw's coming over and I'm hungry!

I had a pretty rough night even though I had a great time. Everyone was happy so I thought I shouldn't be sad. I think my dumb heart got numbed by all this. I can't believe I just got.....
I think I'm really dumb in a way that I believe people's words too easily. I never learnt my lesson, I never did.

It's our 1yearanni tmr. Which doesn't seem to be really important to you, still I guess? I just wanna thanks for single everything you have done, said and yeah. Be it small or a big thing, it doesn't really matter. I hope I did not make the wrong decision. This long road wasn't easy. I hope nothing changes and will never change. We'll make it through and see the world together.
I love you baby. (SEE,IT HAS BEEN A YEAR MY GOD)

Study time. Bai.
Well for some fucking reasons, I had my post for my boyfriend saved as draft.
I was so fucking pissed off or more of angry last night to even sleep. I only slept at four plus, halfway through the volleyball match of Cuba and smth. I haven't have my breakfast and lunch yet. I am still fucking angry about that shit. It was in May but fuck it. I am considering a.... I am thinking about the consequences but fuck. I am gonna go through the pain like shit but it's better than dragging it, knowing it will happen someday and all. Fuck you then, V.

Glad that J enjoyed her birthday. Well. Happy birthday again J. Gonna go over to J's, her dad catered food.

Hey Mel, I doubt you'd see this but hope you feel okay! Luv you! :)


Should I give up? I seriously don't know. Again, I'm saying this. But this time, I feel that_ and me has more than 5000miles of distance. _ seems to be very detatched(told you it was the other way round) I don't know...I feel so, helpless. I can't even turn to you, my dear. Sigh. 1 year was long but when it's your time, you have to leave. Okay. I surrender to sadness. I feel vulnerable. I can't fight it. I can only hope for the best. I only take the truth. (Why the fuck isn't he calling yet)
Sigh.

Posted @ Cc.lj, locked and only friends can view it.

No love, no 'i miss you', just a heart that died from all this shit that god gave.
Party(?) at J's, I'm turning to absolute vodka if there's any. Sigh ttm.
Helluuuuu everybodaye! Your mother I got back my phone and may that driver who returned me my phone lead a very good life from today onwards and don't need to be a cab driver anymore :D S cabbed me home after. Thanks man.

Fiesta wasn't what I expected (that's life) But nah, last year was way better man like seriously. This year is just - tsk, tsk. Even though all of the people over there put in alot of effort to make this work but mainly I guess it's the prime though. I went on stage to do some Bangladesh dance and it was cool hahahah like seriously and pics are with S so... :)

I'll update tomorrow hahah. I'm a happy kid now. I don't have to feel guilty anymore (!!!) CAROLYN IS GUILT-FREE NOW. WHEEEEEE.

I swear * is leading such a sad life now like seriously. Sigh. Why is *2 such a... Oh well.
I hope my dad gives me the money to buy that Ipodtouch from Lyv. ARGH.

K bai pussies
I will never forgive myself for what I've done today and I never will. I'm sorry to you too. You thought today things will turn out okay but I reckon it will turn out like shit for what I've done.

I'm sorry. I love you.

*screams*

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WTFUCK LAH!!!!!






























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FUCK OKAY. FUCK.
I had a great time playing Basketball with the basketballers! :) (!!!) It was suppose to be their self training but I joined in 'cos I was alone :( but they were so nice to take me in and let me join them! I feel like playing Basketball instead of Volleyball now. (awwwww) They were so nice even though most of my shots didn't went in (and they only went in when the day is turning into night lol my ass off) YAY I LOVE THE BASKETBALL GIRLZ PLS HAHAHAHAHAH I wanna join Basketball but Coach will most prolly kill me. Not literally but yeah. I think I should stick with what I'm better at. (Yes go back to Volleyball Carolyn, keep on feeling like a washout and demoralised)

Not to forget, how humans can do things without feeling ashamed of their own stupidity and dumb actions. How thick their skin is and not realising they are making themselves the "headlines".

I hate this life but those people around me made my day today a great and awesome one. Thanks :) Thanks to the Basketballers who were sadly teamed with me.

I have to study now. Have a good night :D

P.S I haven't been sleeping in class recently, yay! :D (!!!)
I'm a happy kid tonight. I'm not gonna let anything bring me down.
There's nothing I can say to you
Nothing I could ever do to make you see
What you mean to me
All the pain the tears they cry
Still you never said goodbye and now I know how far you'd go
I know I let you down but its not like that now
This time I'll never let you go

I will be all that you want and get myself together
Cause you keep me from falling apart
All my life I'll be with you forever
To get you through the day and make every thing ok

I thought that I had everything I didn't know what life could bring
But now I see honestly
You the one thing I got right
The only one I let inside
Now I can breath cause your hear with me
And if I let you down I'll turn it all around
Cause I would never let you go

I will be all that you want and get myself together
Cause you keep me from falling apart
All my life I'll be with you forever
To get you through the day and make everything ok

Cause without you I can't sleep
I'm not gonna ever ever let you leave
You're all I got
You're all I want
Yeah
And without you I don't know what I'll do
I could never ever live a day with out you
Hear with me do you see your all I need

It has been a long hard road.
Thanks for being with me and made this world a better place.

Love,
Carolyn
I'm sorry I can't be the perfect daughter you want. A daughter that makes you happy more often, angry less often. I'm sorry Mum, I disappoint you over and over again.
--
A call is enough to make me feel pissed off, and realise that I'm at fault again. I wish I could do all the things to make you happy. I know I never did. I can never be. Those 2 days when my Mum care were like the 2 days where I felt better and thought that life ain't so bad afterall but now, I guess I'm back. I held back my tears after the 2 phone calls, cried in the toilet and I feel exactly the same a few days back. I disappoint myself and others. I am really fucking sorry. I'm like fucked in what I'm good at and what I'm not good at too. I feel like... I don't think I'll nail that throughtrain shit. I'm running out of time and perhaps, I realised what I want too late.

For Zb, Sher, J and Yh- Don't stress kay! You guys will be fine :) (LUV!!)

So fking contradicting pls.

Sigh.