Skipped school today. Too lazy to get my ass off my bed, painful swollen ankle made me didn't wanna attend school. Well I get an extra day to study my shit too anyway. Accompanied mum to Giant to get some stuff and she sent me to the polyclinic. Waited for an hour or so just for a fucking pack of painkiller. Ah just as well. Got a haircut and home. My hair is shorter than before now and I feel so sad :( I feel like cutting it short again but it'll take me another 3 years for it to grow long. Hmm right now the weather is so bloody hot. So, I'm gonna have my food and study, tv and maybe a nap before dinner comes in. Pop my painkillerz and sleep time. Not forgetting my phone call with my darling.
I feel better now. No more melancholic nights.

Bai all. Money no enough 2, anyone? :)
I remembered clearly that I sprained my ankle yesterday at 7.49 pm. The excruciating pain was so intense that my tears couldn't make their way outta my eyez, this I swear manx. I was like "ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh", "mummmmyyyyyy", "ahhhh ffffffff" all the way. That's what you get for not using acupuncture but who cares, it ain't good for me so yeah.

Had trouble making my way up to my 4th storey high classroom. Well I didn't wanna mix with that bunch of lower sec kids so I've no choice. Thanks those who helped me up lol. I take forever to walk now. Everyone owns me in walking. Even Yh, she was so merry and blithe plz. Like money falling from teh skye plsh. One of the best things that has happened to me this year: My mum came to fetch me from school today and she so did not scold me, heh. (Nvm, you guys will never understand)

Good luck to me for everything. I have things to catch up now and I hate my life and myself even more. I blame myself for being such a dumb fuck overambitious pussy who thinks that she can make it but too fat to do it so I should fuck off and do my catching up and let people own me and I accept my fate then god pls have mercy on me tyvm god.

Money no enough and Journey to the center of the earth is coming out!!!!! But commontest are up soon and so are the end of yr. Damn. I would feel all tuckered out even without my trgs. Bitch.(!!!)

Oh something ew to me but not to others in Japan. They are having their eel season right now and so they made this drink, "Unagi Nobori" or what we say in English "Surging eel" and they're doing things like cookies and all. Wtf ttmlp. (Link)

I don't find the beauty I used to see in everything, anymore..
There's no cheena cos my teacher ain't here. (end) Some people takes a life time to find out what their actually living for. I don't know how long i'll take but i know something for sure, is that i will my meaning in life. There are a few people i can't live my life without and some, they are better off dead. Right now i'm studying for myself and i might be some rich fuck cb and legs on table. Ah i think bye for now and ever. Study study bai dogs.
I, have never been so weak, thinking on giving up, suicidal and can not find a way to bring the happiness in me back. Feeling sad when day turns to night, 'cos that is the time you find darkness and you can't turn the sun on. I feel nothing when I see the sun but I feel joyless when I see the moon and the stars. Fuck seriously, I need to leave all this like really. I can't take it any longer. Everything seems to be so... I don't know. I don't feel a single bit of true happiness in me now. I can't seem to hold on any longer. The current pulls me so hard under that I don't even have the strength to fight back. I want the strong me who doesn't cry infront of anyone usually, who doesn't emo infront of anyone normally and the one who's always laughing hysterically at everything like some crazy bitch, going around irritating people, and the one who never admits defeat and continues the fight as if nothing has taken place, grows stronger after. I'm even losing interest in taking pictures of beautiful clouds 'cos I'm in a shit mood everytime when I see pretty clouds.

Enough said. I feel like bitching about youknowwho(not eugn.k.t. plz) but if youknowwho thinks that your fucking life is more pathetic than mine then go find your luvlybestfriend fuck you and you and me might have 1 out of 1million percent chance of going coffee at starbucks eww ttmm plz.

Hi Joan, be strong. I'm here for you (and here to nag at you too) *tiaks*

Have a good night everyone. May all of you find your perfect soul mates and see pretty clouds everyday.

No love. *continues swearing*

EW YOU TTM
Home from training. Over stretched my left thigh when training was gonna end and it hurts big time like ballz. My butt hurts too muscles ah. I hate trainings now but bel came and made it better but Phebe's last training made me felt like nothing but shit. Was emo ing inside and I felt like shit.

Morning with Phebe at Asics,somewhere at genting lane aljunied. Stayed there for 2 bloody hours and it's not easy okay. I was on the phone for almost 2 hours k. Dumb. That shoe cost like 70 bucks. Any sponsors?!? But I liked it though. I want a pair of Onitsuka Tigers too!!! They cost at least a hundred my god. Any ways to make myself rich? OMG :( I need so many things but my birthday's over alr. Gr. Next year ah. Mum doesn't wanna buy me a ticket to aust. She asked me to save. HOW TO?!

The petty ness in me isn't dead. I don't know what I have against you* but it's all that jealousy bullshit. I feel like killing myself like seriously. (FK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
Curse till we all die and fk. I'd bury myself alive I tell you. I can't study but I'm SO FKING DESPRATE TO GET MY THROUGHTRAIN SHIT. Shouldve gone to express in the first place. Dumb pussy.

Are we really inseparable? Misery came to me and it was not a choice. This I need you by my side more than before. I know it's impossible and what can I do?

I
AM
RLY
RLY
RLY
RLY
RLY
RLY
RLY
RLY
(I would type more rly but I cant be bothered)
SAD

SIGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHH

bye
this might be the last time youre gonna see me
not
English is boring ass. We're gonna have some debating shit and i'm in it. Sounds interesting to me though. No harm participating. -Smiles nicely- Emath before my recess break and it's really :( gonna catch The Dark Knight with the girls later on. I hope it'll be a good one. I might be getting one of those mango basics first or the edc tank i saw. Well for now,study. Bye all. No love for anyone. Cos i hate this dumb world. (I don't know why am i watching The Dark Knight instead of X-files. Tsk.) training tmr oh my god but my dear bel is coming back so it ain't that bad. I'll be seeing her next year in ny! Hee i like trainings. Ok rly bye -sad- ps/zb asked me to post this. It's her birthday in 3 months time hahah k bye all
Here i am, sitting in class. Waiting for the arrival of my principles of account teacher and was thinking my time away while they were all going through physics test paper. Well i haven't been thinking much recently so here it goes again. All the faggots in my class are acting like a bunch of idiots but what's new. I'm feeling emoz again like fuck. I hate my life here but i can do nothing about it. I hate myself cos i have to do things to upset myself. Misery is always optional but i just have to do shit to make myself feel better. I need to revise my work more. I'm barely surviving in this fucked up place. Bye all. I so will shoot myself and die. I do not have a gun. Loser. Die bitches.
So many regrets, there is no turning back though. It ain't a U-turn road. This is life,sadly.
I just finished typing my compo and finding for nice souls to print it out for me. :) Here I am, trying to clear fuck up with my dearest E, but she ain't replying my text msg. Hmm. But seriously though, might be just me, sheryl and joan who are dissapointed with you(and which I know we don't matter to you so we stfu but friends. Right.) Well I know you feel like giving me a tight slap on my damn face but I would seriously appreciate if we clear this and you, reconsider the words you put on your blog. I'm requesting politely so please.

Will anyone give me hope and give me faith?
Will anyone come running to me when I call out to that someone?
Will anyone light up the way when it's dark, just for me?
Will you always be there until I stand tall again?

I FOUND THE LIMITED ED SHOWTIME SKITTLES AT THE T3 AIRPORT LIKE IT WAS THE LAST 4 PACKS LEFT. AM I LUCKY OR WHAT. HAHAH. HAPPY GIRL. FOR NOW.

Phy and emath test was rubbish I tell you like seriously. My shoulder is aching so.............
baibai. Lol.

Luv. Carolyn.
Hold on, 33miles

I've been there a thousand times
Felt the rain like a thousand knives and it hurts
I know it hurts
I've been there like a fighter plane
Trying to fly my way through a hurricane and it's hard
I know its hard
Don't be afraid
You'll make it through
Just call out out to me and I'll come running to you

Hold on
Hold on
When the current pulls you under
And your heart beats like thunder
Just give me your hand
And hold on
Hold on
Until the storm is over
And I'll be fighting for you
Just give me your hand
And hold on

I'll give you hope
I'll give you faith
And if it's dark I'll light the way for you
For you
By your side until the end
Until you're standing tall again
I'm here
I'll always be here
And if the tide sweeps you out to sea
When your strength is gone
And it's hard to believe

I like this song cause it somehow makes me feel stronger. (Laugh out loud plz) They're some christian band or smth like that which I don't rly dig and the web page I saw didn't give much info and I didn't bother searching so yeah.

The flu,cough,headache and painful plus galling throat didn't stop me from attending my piano lessons(whispers* which is pretty sad) ah but anyway. *sneezes*

Oh oh oh!! I WANT A PAIR OF ONITSUKA TIGER PLS. They look fking pretty and costly too-.- http://www.asicsamerica.com/onitsukatiger/ the electric light shoe is coolz but not to that extent where like you go woooohhhhh but it's just a model so blah.

I'm going to rest(in peace) now. Hopefully stronger when I wake up. Lol. Rubbish. Luv y'all.
I fking hate you,totally. I've to be nice. Peace.

Buaizx.
Another day spent at training. The more I go,the more fked I feel and I don't even feel like playing. Tuckered out every every training. I told sj some time in while we were in the match: "I feel like qutting and I need to do something more meaningful than this(obviously not volleyball)" She just said that I took this path,I've to complete this journey. Well apparently she regretted coming into NgeeAnn just like me. We didn't know training would be so tedious and we'll have to do this for 4 years for her and 5 years for me.

I saw one dullard's pm in my msnlist and I reckon that the saying "It's all in the mind" and it's true. It's all the fake things you believe that makes you do all the stupid things. Like that dullard caused my youknowwho so much pain and sigh. Seriously. Is this what you call "Love"? Stop thinking it ain't you and just think out of your BOX.

My emotion now transcends everything. It "manipulates" me somehow and makes me feel like not doing anything. There is totally no point typing a verbose blog post like seriously and I'm feeling damn sick. Flu and headache. Make it last till tmr and I can skip piano. Pls pls pls. Tmr's the last day of GSS. Mum,show me the money!?!?

Have a good night everyone. I feel fked and where is my boyfriend.
(K,I just called him and he is stucked outside of his house. Gr. It cost 2bucks for 2minutes plz. Scam. *sneeze*x2)

Sigh
Sigh
Sigh
Sigh

I miss daddy
Mum is out to watch Red Cliff. Great show.
Baibai
Another day in school. More than half the class ain't here cos of the hair check. Mostly the guys, duh. Principals of account now. But i ain't doing anything cos i don't know anything. I feel . . Well. Empty. I feel arghhh. Fuck. Bye. I'll kill myself(not) soon if this continues. And be is right,i truly would not want to quit volleyball. Something i've done for four to five years. Sigh. I'm strong,i won't give up :) i'll show the best of me :p Hell yeah. Ah bye pussies. Bored. Neh neh neh.
I'm in school,posting from my phone :) thanks to my boyfriend huh. Anyway,there's. (Hello! Joan here! Carolym sucks la. Stupid girl. Hohoho. She think she has a cool phone then dua sai :) Okay. That shit head gonna scream at me soon. And I hate some BEE.) hahah anyway i have training today :( i hate this. Math test later on kinematics. Ah. And mr heng is not here hahah okay bai luv carolyn. Oh p.s the previous post on the front part was for someone else and the part at the bottom is for someone else incase you guys didn't get it. The moaning part and the arguement is about two different persons. Whether you like it or not,it's my blog
I dislike school and I hate you.
I love my friends. Not ALL but a few that y'know. I went back to my primary school with my sister and J. Saw Mr Oh and Ms Pang. Mr Poh that bastard can just go (!!!) sorta do miss my school. Esp the food!! Only cos ngeeann food suck big time. Seeing things change and all,I feel a tad sad and feel as if I'm growing old. sigh.

People or rather most humans, do not listen to others before they say 'cos they think they are all damn right. When people do the same thing to them,they feel unhappy about it,feeling fked up inside or throw a fit over it. Is this fair or what. That person who gets this shit can never say anything or make their stand. It only gets "better" when they don't know that person who said smth about them. So what if you're feeling pissed or anything.

I curse only when I reallyx10 hate something to that extent or more than I can take in. Moreover,this is my blog. If you dullards can't understand then just leave my page.

I've been in a melancholic mood this few days. No idea why. Thanks for those who showed their concern last night,it's appreciated and sorry for not saying what's happening. I've my rationale behind all this.

All that I see in my phone actually reminds me that everything was real and those things we did had really taken place. Hi boyfriend I miss my tauhuay days with you. (Lol,sounded so like oldsku days man)

I failed POA by 1/2 a mark. I need to get that throughtrain shitz but it's like EL.MA.B3,adding up less than or equal to 19. Oh my bleh. Ok I will and I can do it. (That probably means I can get my ticket in a less stressful way and I can do my studies abroad :D hee visitaustralia.com ah)

I
MISS
YOU
Boyfriend
(Inserts hearts)

Just come back home(I'm your home darling~)


I missed you but things weren't the same

This time I think,I'm to blame
It gets harder to get through the days
You get older and blame turns to shame
'Cause everything inside it never comes out right
When I see you cry,it's makes me want to die

Every single day,I think about how we came this far
The sleepless nights and the tears you cried
It's never too late to make it right

I love how you kiss,I love all your sounds
and baby the way you make my world go round
And just wanted to say,I'm sorry

The 11th month,
please make me hold on to my everything.
I will not break down and give up. I will not.
Unless you do. See the world together? Maybe not.

-BIG SIGH-
I'm all tuckered out after all this. Makes me feel tension and exhausted.

Who do I turn to when I can't talk to anyone? Who can I trust. No one.
I feel so inferior compared to other girls who are PRETTY and GOOD LOOKING.
I feel like shit 'cos I know I'm not the best player.
I feel like fk 'cos I know who's gonna play my opp. in the team.
I feel so stressed out because Phebe is leaving.
I feel so tired because of all that I'm going through.

Then again,what can I do. So we've a conclusion already,haven't we? The conclusion is there's no point complaining 'cos nothing will change(unless it does then it's another thing) and that's precisely my point. ( I thought about it when we were talkin' to the vp today)

Get well baby.

READ THIS(this was what my boyfriend has told me before):
IMPROVE YOUR ARGUMENT(SENSIBLE,NOT THOSE DENSE AND GL ONES. IT ONLY SHOWS THAT YOU'RE A LOSER IF YOU DO THAT.) AND NOT INCREASE YOUR VOLUME(or smth like that).

I think sheryl and joan should get it. As in,who this is to.
If you think you know yourself,good for you. You should change. It's not a must.
:) Oh,we ain't your replacement for youknowwho too :)

I'm gonna nap bye
Goodbye to you. .

Fall for you-Secondhand Serenade.
It makes me wanna cry. Sigh.

The best thing about tonight's that we're not fighting
Could it be that we have been this way before
I know you don't think that I am trying
I know you're wearing thin down to the core
But hold your breath

Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over againDon't make me change my mind
Or I won't live to see another dayI swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
You're impossible to findThis is not what

I intendedI always swore to you I'd never fall apart
You always thought that I was stronger
I may have failed
But I have loved you from the start
Ohhhh

So breathe in so deep
Breathe me inI'm yours to keep
And hold onto your words
'Cause talk is cheap
And remember me tonight
When you're asleep
Oh why do I even bother saying this. Well yeah fk you bitch. I really hate to say that but fk you again. ALL YOU DO IS CRY AND KEEP ON FKING MOANING OVER THINGS THAT ARE NOT YOURS AND SHLDN'T BE YOURS YOU DUMBASS BITCHH. GET A LIFE AND STOP CRYING,MOVE ON FOR FK'S SAKE. IT'S JUST THAT I CAN'T SAY IT INFRONT OF YOU BECAUSE OF YOUKNOWWHO. WELL YEAH JUST FK OFF AND GET A NEW GAYBOYFRIEND AND JUST BLOODY START EVERYTHING AGAIN.

(I also told J it might not be a bad thing when someone ditches you. 'Cos at least you know at that very moment when the opposite ask for break up you know he/she don't love you anymore. If he/she still loves you they'd return in a few days time. Then why all the broken hearted bother waiting and make their lives so melancholic everyday. We live to die. Why not make use of the time and do something meaningful. At least that won't cause you any regrets.)

I'm sorry for the vulgarities. I just had to do it. Since a long time I hated someone so it's fair isn't it? It's not as if she is the only one sad so yes just fk off right now and you hope I don't see you. There's no other way to it(relating to what I've been cursing at) so y'know. I'm pretty tired of everything now. Like always. I so need to get out of this "hell" as you all know this place has nothing but fkloads of shit,dick and pussies and nothing else.

Do nothing and fk around in Singapore:
I'm studying for my fking air ticket to go to somewhere over the rainbow,playing volleyball to waste time and hanging out with idiot to know that I still know how to get angry. (note:I said IDIOT and not IDIOTS).

I'm sad inside but not to the extent of getting depression or any bullshit but what can I do about it. Even if I do get depression I can sorta like go on medication but what the f can I do when I'm sad. (!!!) I really do feel like quitting everything I'm doing right now. EVERYTHING. I just need my past back(which possibly will never ever happen).

I will lose weight this time round like I will really own you. You fking fat and "-fill in the blank-"
bitch. You can so like come and screw me but am I wrong to say all this? AM I? It's not as if I don't feel je-jea-jealous at all. If ya reckon I have a very big heart and all,bullshit. Try being in my position. IHY (!!!)

I've said my piece,cried and wasted a bit of time. If you just so happen to finish reading this,I thank you for reading. I'm sorry for the fks and I love the world.

Thanks Joan for talking with me throughout the 'journey' :)
Thanks boyfriend for that 2 weeks,I love you.

Back to what we were before the 2weeks came.
This is not tragedy,it's called geographical separation.

Till the next time I'm back -

Love,Carolyn.
It has been pretty alright for the past 1 week and yeah. Everything will be normal again soon and yeah I hate school though(still). But I'm still alive. Loving tauhuay as much as before.

It's just sad cos everything will end soon and I've to wait for another 5 months. My life,sadly.
We're almost together for a year. See each other for less than 2 months added up althogether.
Well,whatever it takes to make this last uh.

(But I can tell you now,knowing your bf is gonna leave for another 5months and you had only seen him for 2 weeks after 6months the pain cannot be described I tell ya.)

I love you boyfriend.
Goodnight world.

P.S. The strangers was a pretty damn fucking scary movie. No wait,IT IS.
For the first time I'm saying this is because today is Elearning day and fuck it. I 'd rather go to school! Oh anyway,I finished all of them already so what the hell I should stop complaining. I'm gonna bathe and see what I can do. I'm hungry like ballz man. ah k luv you all and bye.

P.S. Trg was cancelled ytd due to the bus which was booked wrongly and it's my first cancelled one in my 3years in NgeeAnn hahahahahah