Yesterday was a bad night + bad training.

I've never felt like giving up my position in the main 6.
Last night wasn't the first time.
In fact,since a few matches before,I already did.
I can't do the thing I'm asked to do.
It's not I didn't try or I don't wanna. It's I can't.
I tried,I REALLY did. This is the best,for now.
I wanna improve and I'm workin' on it.

Whatever coach said to Shirley about me,I felt good.
On the other hand,can't describe.
Somehow disappointed in myself.
He did what he can do to train me up and I'm planning to give up.

I see myself, losing points instead of gaining another one
I hate seeing '#1' on the 'Lose' side of the scoreboard
Seeing the balls go out of court or into the net
Seeing my team mates say "Nevermind,jiayou" when I lose a point
Seeing coach shaking his head
Seeing bel's face,trying so hard to set all the balls to position
Seeing sj,xe and shir's face,trying so hard defend
Seeing Be and Zy,trying so hard to block to make defending a easier job
Then what am I doing? Every point I lose I feel like,I'm disappointing them. I feel guilty.

The '1' on my jersey is just a number.
Yeah I've proved to myself (and maybe others) that it's just a number.
It ain't a title. ('Cause I used to want it to be a title. But no. Never.)

Life's short. Really.
Thanks Joan. For making me realise what I've been doing and what I wanted for long.
Sometimes,you're like the only one I can confide in.
This is the difference between you and others.
'Cause we've got the extra 6 years with each other ;)
Not forgetting Sj and Xe. Bel too!
But no matter what I love my team.

But for now,I think I should stick to what I'm good at ;D