1.I DON'T WANNA FEEL WHAT I'M FEELING
2.I WANNA BE HAPPY
3.I WANNA SLEEP
4.I'M HUNGRY(I'm eating cold mee sua which taste so ew and I give up)
5.TV TV TV TV(Been such a long time since I had a proper time with Tv)

I'm just somehow numb after all this,goddamnit roar.

Gonna have dinner with kongster and Sj tomorrow @ 85
Yeah tapioca here I comeeeee. I missed you! Hahah :)

1 more day to the end of the month.
I've longed for the month to be over.
Then now it's gonna be over,I don't know what.
WHAT ON EARTH DO YOU WANT CAROLYN!!!!

K no matter what,i still love you alllx!

Buaibuaiiiz peopleeeeee!
Feeling happy and sad: 50-50. Disappointed.
xx
Went to Jw's place for mahjong and dinner-ed there.
(Eug,Sj,Xe,St and Long-ge! Finally see long-ge again :D)
I fking love Jw's mum,like seriously.

Sentosa was pretty fine yesterday.
'Cause there's no sun! Hahah. Love it when there's no sun shining :D
I prefer Silso to Palawan. But it was quite a good time with team mates.

And dear Xe,
Me and your uncle just want you to come back in one piece :D
Be safe and have a nice trip! I'll miss you.
All of you Ps me here alone ):
Training is so bored. 'Cause I can pluck nobody's retainer out.
JUST COME BACK SOOONNN!
Love you x10000000 :)

,another day passed...
Am I happy or what?
I'll be just fine
Pretending not
I'm far from lonely
But it's all that I've got
................




Proud and somehow disappointed in myself.
Well oh well. I'm still me :D
(redsports.sg)

We started out like that..





And we ended up here, :)
Some kinda memories,that are worth reminscing -inserts a big red heart

Nov 2007 U-16:





I swear this picture's a turn off. Even though it's my team.
It's still so damn ugly. 'Cause someone said:"A formal one,don't smile"
Ahhh.

Up till today's Bgirl,
Managed to bond as a team even though it was really hard at the beginning.
Ngee Ann Melon Fighter Team! :D
(Never will I fail my team,Ace)

With love,Carolyn
Xoxo
Yesterday was a bad night + bad training.

I've never felt like giving up my position in the main 6.
Last night wasn't the first time.
In fact,since a few matches before,I already did.
I can't do the thing I'm asked to do.
It's not I didn't try or I don't wanna. It's I can't.
I tried,I REALLY did. This is the best,for now.
I wanna improve and I'm workin' on it.

Whatever coach said to Shirley about me,I felt good.
On the other hand,can't describe.
Somehow disappointed in myself.
He did what he can do to train me up and I'm planning to give up.

I see myself, losing points instead of gaining another one
I hate seeing '#1' on the 'Lose' side of the scoreboard
Seeing the balls go out of court or into the net
Seeing my team mates say "Nevermind,jiayou" when I lose a point
Seeing coach shaking his head
Seeing bel's face,trying so hard to set all the balls to position
Seeing sj,xe and shir's face,trying so hard defend
Seeing Be and Zy,trying so hard to block to make defending a easier job
Then what am I doing? Every point I lose I feel like,I'm disappointing them. I feel guilty.

The '1' on my jersey is just a number.
Yeah I've proved to myself (and maybe others) that it's just a number.
It ain't a title. ('Cause I used to want it to be a title. But no. Never.)

Life's short. Really.
Thanks Joan. For making me realise what I've been doing and what I wanted for long.
Sometimes,you're like the only one I can confide in.
This is the difference between you and others.
'Cause we've got the extra 6 years with each other ;)
Not forgetting Sj and Xe. Bel too!
But no matter what I love my team.

But for now,I think I should stick to what I'm good at ;D
Lost to Presby Red, 3-0.
We're 2nd anyway :)
I promise to do gym properly from the next gym session onwards.
AND...
Team lunch @ Seoul Garden tomorrow!
Alright shall post up my old pictures soon. Yeah I know it's boring.
Memories. They're all gone now ):

I'm having a damn flu and a bit of cough+sore throat,a few of us got it actually.
Thanks to Shirley! >:) She drank Coach's water and then we drank after her and today some of us are sick. Hahah. Damn.

Goodnight.
I'm sitting infront of the laptop,feel so down and bummed out.
I don't know why.
.....
Went Bugis with Eug,Jw and Ph(finally met up with 'em) after my match. Had lunch at Sakae,thanks Ph! ;D
And then...walked around aimlessly(we actually went to change Eug's shirt cause it was too small for her) and then she wanted to cut her (damn) hair so Jw suggested her to get it done in town so we ended up at Far East...Ph left for home and after the cut-Home. 1 and 1/2 hour of bus ride. Pity me ass,awww.
-Shows OUR cool sign - :D

(We won Cedar 2-1 anyway. Finals tomorrow at 9.30 AM against Presbyterian Red.
Damn it. I hate morning matches. Why can't they bloody make it at night [!!!].
Ngee Ann Melon Fighters gonna win 'em tomorrow! :) )
Walkover match today. CCHY went overseas already! Ngeeann's so pathetic. Damn.
Then stayed and watch a few matches. Suppose to go Makansutra for dinner but mum...she cooked. Rah. Anyways,I'm gonna play game to entertain myself :)

Semi-final with Cedar tmr.
Do it Ngee Ann melon fighters,WOOO.

Entertaining me first,
first on......

Byebyebye! :D
I miss you.
Shutshutshut.
I got my haircut. I really look like a melon right now.
Yes. A part of Ngee Ann's volleyball melon team. The melon says that we're short.
Thanks Coach -Smiles unwillingly.

Then I got woked up by this message:
"Please note that all 2nd round U16 Boys/Girls matches on 15/11/07 will be postponed to 16/11/07 Same time n Venue @ temasek poly due to TP notification of event which they overlooked. "

K,so. Is it Mr Liu or VAS is like,slow? But it's fine. We all knew it last night.

Training today. I don't feel like leaving the house till my fringe grows longer.
-Screams
This.is.so.embarassing.

This post,from Miss ong's blog about 3 months ago I suppose,together with Yh's one.
I just read it. Ahhh! :

To Carolyn:

It's ok. You have passed. We can see your effort this semester. Tho it can be more, nobody can deny the fact that you have done pretty ok for this paper. Whateva happened in Sem 1 cannot be undone. Look forward and learn how to manage this. It applies to everything in life. Learn from your mistakes(be it studies, work, friends, r/s etc). Failure is very important. It allows you to learn why you fail and how can you prevent it, what should you do to prevent it the next time. :)

Yeah and I know what I should do this time round :)
Cgirls days are so.so.so. OVER.
Hell yeah I've survived thru the past 5-6 months of Bgirls training.
Thinking that I was prepared for U-16. Now I doubt.

I can't take the stress,again. I don't feel like playing anymore.
We ain't the strong Ngee Ann already. So what if we're not.
We don't have that morale during matches it's like shit.
(I do admit that I don't join in the aces and all)


K,so this is sooooo depressing. I'm almost numb,I swear I'm fucking serious.
The once unbeatable Ngee Ann has ended up here,today,being thrashed by Presbyterian Red in the second set.
Too much mistakes. Well,it's too late for all this.
We're like throwing our faces and the name on the floor,literally.
Ngee Ann should've known that this would happen one day,get owned by people.
So not expected and we could've won but no point saying all these anymore.
I'm sincerely apologising for all my mistakes,to my dear team mates and coach.

I'm not sure whether I tried my best or not,but then.....sighs.
Ain't gonna give up still.

I really feel like giving up...I hate what I'm doing now.
I'm not motivated,neither am I self-motivated.
I'm so numb that I can't feel the pain of losing that match,which we shouldn't.
I can't take the it. I can't take the heat,the excitement,the pressure.
I'm a loser.

Just because of something like that,I made myself feel so demoralised.
Even though I don't feel this way on the outside,deep inside,I am.

I fucking them,teh cliques (and oh,Zb's not inside.....): )
Yeah. And Yiting the most cause she's the sunset reminder human alarm.
Don't ask me why and don't bother thinking :)

Baby gave me a wake up call to wake me up,like about just now. K,an hour ago.
It's cool that I wasn't really still in my dreamland even though I was still in bed.
Was afraid that if I continue sleeping I won't get to pick up the call.
Anywayx,thanks baby for that call! :)
Love x much more love (goes on and on and on and....)





Against Presbyterian Red later on.
NGEEANN CAN DO IT (We are teh fighters).
Gonna own them someday sooon,hahah. (-.-)
Coach's gonna treat us to Seoul Garden even if we lost.
But hey,food is not what we're aiming for!
It's the Champion title for U16!
Yeh,we gon' do it for the first time! (I think it's the first)
Anyhow. We just gon' do it. YES.



Okay,back later.
Wait for my post,gonna tell you that we won.
:)



Lovex.