In school. .damn it bored.
Been very tired for school like since yesterday plus tranining from noon till night.Damn tiring.

Finally mummy sent us to school.She's very nice nowadays so yeah.She's trying hard to make me stay at home more often and all.And yes,I'm not gonna dinner with her tonight _l_.Last minute,she's not free or smth again.DAMN IT IRRITATING.Cause it's so damn it hard to have a proper dinner with her.

And I'm gonna stay at my Marine terrace house on friday :]
Not for good,just stay over cause I've to practise my piano or I'm so dead.

I need new bag
I need new shoebag
I need new volleyball shoes
I need new school shoes
I need my class jersey
I need a laptop

Okay.Start saving Carolyn.

Happy birthday to Ruban in advance! Love ya :D
& of cos, LYVIA LOH (POK,what my team calls her) who has been so irritating for most of the time,grow up pok :D
I can love you like that-John Micheal

I'm at Pok's house. Cousin chalet and Eug and all were there last night & went Beach culture at PRP till 1 or 2 am last night with cousins and got a lil thaaaat drunk.
Been staying over at Aunt's house. And just got home today and changed and came over pok's house. I'm suppose to do my work but I keep chatting and go other websites. Bitch. Okay. She's cooking for me like for the first time. Instant noodle and yes,hope it won't turn out like crap,right lyv? I'm having strawberries too.

School tomorrow. Hope it'll be good and not be a bitch to me and the teachers(T.T).
New term so I'll have to study hard,and get a Gucci wallet at the end of the year & stop disapointing mummy. I can do it. Train hard for Volleyball too,I have to be in the main I don't wanna warm the bench for shit and yes I've to work hard. No pain,no gain.

Ace.
-Wait,kids are damn it flucking irritating for good okay. I hate kids.

There's no one out there who can bring me back to you..
I haven't been blogging so regularly is because of some shit I get at home.
No not that I got banned or something.
Yes and of cos, I still won't be blogging till the next time I'm using the comp.
I've no idea when but yeah. I'm at some Lan shop with Eug,Jw,E,Zx. Wong just joined us with his cousin.

Yeah.Till the next time.

I love you all.

Training sucked alot tonight.Carolyn too.
So downbeat. Felt so damn lethargic today okay.
Bitch.

All I'm thinking is death now.Really.
I cried,my mum thinks I'm faking it so that I'll look a lil tad pathetic.
I tried to be happy,I can't.
I just want to care about me okay whatever,she'll think the opposite way I'm thinking.

BURN YOU BITCH.DIE HARD,DIE!!
Met up with Yh,Jh,Zb,Sher and Ada(!@#$) at Tm.
Then Gerlyn,Megan and Joey came.
Went 450 there play bball. Heh. I learned quite alot anyway.
Like how to shoot :) Megan and the rest helped me but didn't went in my mind much.

I'm gonna wait,time to pass,training!
I'm gonnna kill myself with physical training today.
I must improve. Who cares about slimming down now.
Okay no, play and slim down at the same time.

I'm tired of being sooooo sad everytime that I wanna be a happy kid again :)
I'm a happy kid~ I'm a happy kid~ !
Okay. No S* anymore, I LOVE MYSELF :D
Training today was damn it tiring and plus I'm feeling so lethargic today = crap.
My biceps are feeling so damn it sore now. Shitttttt. I won't have to eat tomorrow.
And I ate little tonight! ( No,I ate 3 hotdogs at the chalet only ok!)
Okay so I must train hardddddd then I can keep my spiker's place. (I know I can do it).

Then went chalet at downtown east. Had fun with the "small" kids :) Like all went laughing cause I was the clown of the night,damn. But I had fun too :D
And Denise was a very nice guy tonight. Really. (If he's not so ahbeng) but he initiated to help me with the barbecuing the food! Very..good :)
And...heng? too ;) But all stupid ahbengs. Okay I'm sorry if I offended anyone.
(Nice ah bengs I call them) .

Tomorrow going to Malaysia,yes again like again.
Visit my Grandmum and maybe,stay over for eh(a) night.
I hate this very much.

Goodnight.

(I guess I should be over S* already T.T
He ain't replying my mail and I suppose I know what answer he's gonna give me already.
You're done Carolyn,get over it.)
I'm so afraid that. Ahhhhhhh. Shit.

Okay. Went for my piano lesson(like finally I'm back to my piano after saying so much),I like my teacher and I've no idea what's her name.
Hur,but she's nice :) I like~ Lesson was good,of cos.

Watched She's the man while waiting for cousin to finish teaching her piano lessons and cabbed to ECP to meet her friends for skating. Heh,I'm not that bad yo.

Then like 7,went to return blades and I cabbed to Joan's house for BBQ.
Lijie,Sookjuan,Xueer was there alr. Ate and went Joan's house for the video she did for Cgirls,ex Cgirls. Cried..we're suppose to watch as a team. Shit. And one sentence in the video,we shall don't know what stay together till we graduate. Memories.

Training tomorrow. Damned. Play hard and well tomorrow! Jiayou carolyn!

I FKING MISS SFZY NOW.
Damn...why am I doing all this?
I know I can find someone else I love.But why!
I'm sad.RAHHHHH T.T.
I envy people who are inlove(-.-,for _l_ ah.)

Night,sleep well people and to myself.
I'm at my cousin's house,I just finished my first lesson after a year or so.
Gooood, fairy good, I still could recall some of them,which is GOOD ;D
Heh. Okay,going ECP for skating later on with Cousin and sister.

Somebody's sorrowing last night,and I fell asleep, Stupid.
Hope he gets better yo.

"Even your bestfriend won't stand up for you and even backstab you"
(Or something like that)
Okay,maybe it's not for me.
But then..Were we even bestfriends back then? Or act like one,be like one?
There were times I really loved you and hated you. And most of the time I felt like neutral.

It's all deep and meaningless.

Outside the toilet with Gerlyn and Eug! With berry good view too:)
Upload the other pictures soon too yo.

Hello humans! I enjoyed my day with the people. The sun was killing me/us but I'm on with Sunblockkkk!

Met at 10am,expected them to be late la! So Sher,Yh,Jh,Me and Zb went to eat NasiLemak at Tm's basement then Eug came and joined.
Weiting didn't wanna wake up la,asss! Made us wait.
So we board 65 to Habourfront first and went CoffeeBean to wait for Gerlyn and Weiting.
And taaaaddaaaa! They finally came. T.T, wanted to take cablecar but like prices are all 2digit.
So decided to Cab but the uncle say the taxis in that row are all 35$, LOL-.-.
In the end we found another cab and got in. I like the driver yo :)

Then started to sit down and eeaaat and play volley and all.
Then some people came over advertising their sunblock and suntan spray thingy.
Heh. Me Eug and Jh got some on yo. :D
Vb and went to seaaseaa for awhile until like around 5.30?
All finally decided to clean up and wash up too D:
Gerlyn Yh and Weiting finally got into the cubicles to wash after Q-ing up so longggg -.-
Me and Jh and Eug keep taking pictures until they came out.

Took the bus,went 2 rounds around cause we didn't know which stop to stop.
Noobs,then went Vivo nearby for damn cheap dinner.
Hokkien noodles only 2bucks,the aunty was damn it fierce.
And Sugar cane like only 80cents.

Wanted to get some doughnuts but I'm too late.

Upload pictures soon!
IM GONNA HAVE MY PIANO LESSONS TOMORROWWW ;D
Dinner was good at No signboard. I left training at 6 just for this stupid dinner.
The Abalone made me sick,all I was looking forward was the Broccoli only.
The bill was S$611, whaaat the -.-.
(I'm not trying to show off or something okay!)
I didn't like dinner very much..

Going Sentosa with Eug,Yh,Jh,Gerlyn,Weiting,Sheryl and Zhaobin tomorrow.
Heeee :) Then picnic there. Nice day I'm gonna have yo. :)

From Zhaobin:
You* don't say that I put words into your mouth and I can't tolerate this kind of attitude.
You don't say things of me and you in your blog,as if we're very close to each other.
People thinks that I'm very close to you. You should try to change for own good. Try not being like a spoilt brat. I swear alot people hates you now. I'm not trying to act those like...w/e. I just think that you're to much.

I agree much to what she said too,you never wanted to admit your mistakes(some) at times.
I just...hate you at times,really.

I wanna be a happyy kidddddddddd.
Damn, S* didn't pick up my call, he's busy again.

Gooodnight.
I hate my Pms that's causing me moodswings T.T

I'm suppose to be at the Airport fetching someone,but oh I woke up at 1.30Pm so forget that.
And now waiting for 3Pm to come so I can go for training.
Yes ah. I want Longjohn now T.T.

Yesterday went grocery shopping at Giant. 2 hours.
And Ate at Ikea,3hours or so.

Then cabbed to fetch Lixuan and went back home to leave the things there.
And went Presby. for match.

Mum came fetch me at Hougang Sports Hall then went to eat with cousins.

What's all the hardwork we all put in together?
Yes,now the 5 that remains are the ones who really care.
You all 3 should burn and die.

I'm still feeling so...sad.
I wanna turn back time,but it's so not impossible.
I wanna be with you,but it's just so not impossible.

I want a nice nice team cause I use to think we'll be the team that no players had left from there before. But no. We're from 8 to 7 to 5. Two left after the damnit heartless one did.
Cause you can play in the team,you left. Are you selfish? Yes you are,very. You left us with all the past and presents and shit you. We don't need you anymore. I know it's not right to say all of this things here but really. So many of them won't be in the team they still stayed. It's not like you gonna warm the benches forever right? _l_ get over it carolyn. To think I/We cried for you to make you stay,yes,I did the right thing by walking away that time while they're still talking.
Cause theres no point and I could somehow see that we're going nowhere by doing that.

And You*(I bet after you reading this you'll know who you are), I know you're down last night because of what P* said to you,indirectly. And _l_, did I even say something bad to you about that? She said something bad to you, it's not us. If you think she deserve to die, then just say her and not other people who didn't offend you. We all shouldn't die,it's her. If you wanna die too,then die. If you didn't said that to me last night,I wouldn't be typing all this.

I'M DAMN IT DESPRATE TO BE REALLYREALLY HAPPY BUT INSIDE I'M FEELING SO DAMN IT BAD. I FEEL LIKE SORROWING,BUT I CAN'T. DAMN IT. I HATE EVERYTHING NOW.

Ex-Cgirls without J. With two no-passion-for-vb-girls inside. -.-!

I pulled it up high in the first pic but it was deleted away so when I pulled it down to my original,she pulled it up high and ended up like that ^ -rofl. She look like some retard.

In the Gym today.



I've found the song after so long.
It's just too late. He belongs to her now.
I'm over it anyway.

Just hung up on the phone with L.
S just called,he sound so gay.
:)

Another day, training again.
I feel good. Gym was good too heh. Much more like me committing suicide,not. :)
Dinner with xe,sj,j and pok. Sj's dad send us home again.

Now I'm waiting for him to be on and see if he's free to talk to..
But I doubt he'll be on. Yes. And if I don't go on tomorrow late night, I don't know if I'll miss the chance to talk to him. Ah forget it. I shall make myself damn it tired so I can sleep once I get back home.(I just checked my contacts and he's online. Crap.)

And I hope kennie's free tomorrow man. He's like some busy ass who always don't have time for me to book him. Rah.

Okay. Let's all wait for tomorrow. I'm a busy girl nowwww ;D
But I'm never too busy for S* but sighs..

Goodnight and good day for all :D

-Your love is like a poison that runs through my veins, but instead of killing me,it makes me stronger.

The two ages of love.

I wanna grow old with you -Adam sandler

Went supper/late dinner with Jw,Zx and Eric @ Wp.
I swear Zx is damnit irritating tonight.

I'm suppose to do my work...I don't feel like doing it.
Damn. I need a laptop to do it outside. Who's kind enough to lend me one,uhhhhh?
Okay no.

I'm missing S* , I'm afraid that I've fallen too hard on him.
Then it'll be bullshit if he rejects me. T.T
I've no idea it's more to the Yes side or the No side.
SO -I shall stop thinking or I'm gonna make myself go nuts.

I'm gonna train hard and slim down.
I'm gonna do it. I cannot have dinner. No. One meal per day or less than 2 meals.
I have to do it. I swore I've to slim down. Hahah, then partner shall be the first one to woo me x). No,I still (<3) S*.

S* is (<3)
Hi. I'm back feeling moody.
Why? Lets see..

Ikea in the morning for breakfast then to Giant for some food and went to Marine Terrace for my temporary house I'm gonna stay in for the next few months. It's damn it small, like 2 rooms only.
I've to survive through the few months and I'll be fine.
(This was the thing they kept from me last night,uhuh,I've to wake up damn it early to go to school. SHIIITTT.)

Then went back Tm, met Jw and Zx there but I've to leave cause mum wants me to go see furniture with her and I gave a F(uck) face all along. I was damn it pissed. Then after when we're leaving she told us we don't have to go,she knew I was tired.
(Damn. What a timing to tell us we don't have to go alr.)

And yes,I'm feeling much better after yesterday.
Thanks best. Much love to you :)

PUT YOUR HANDS UP IN THE AIR AND SAY:
I wanna be in love,I wanna be in love.

Heh.Okay enough. I love my girlfriends and teammmm! :D
I wanna be a happy kidddddddddd ):

Training tomorrow, Carolyn jia you! :D

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY ONE AND ONLY DAUGHTER,JERMAINE!
Warning: My post is gonna be long and loh-soh today + Emo.
No love, THERE'S NO LOVE HERE.
_l_ + T.T


At Tampines Sec. for teacher's soccer match.

Juan's birthday.

After we got the championship title, debrief time and they started crying again.

After P.P. at some sports hall,forgotten.

I miss Cgirls.Really.
We hugged,aced and sang together and other things we did together as a team.
I love our song,the barney song. We got quarrels and settled it after.
Promoted to Bgirls, You* left. We cried and tried to make you stay,did you? No.
We worked hard together with all the tears and sweat. Got the Nationals Champion title,promoted to bgirls and everything turned horrible.
From a team of 11 to 8 to 7. I've to learn to love my new teammates since it's combined now.

2 Nationals Champions team yo.
Get the N.C. next year for Bgirls!
Gogogo! :D
ACE.
...
Training ended at 9,made me so anxious to go to Hougang sports hall(Some knows why).
Cabbed down with best. I changed in the cab,T.T,so damn awkward. As in hard to change.
Then...I got home at 11.30 plus after the late dinner with best at my dad friend's.
Thanks uncle for sending us home yo!
See, my dad's only free until 12, so uncle had to send me home.
And oh! Isabel came back from Taiwan and she bought some weird candies.
Condom-like and sanitary pad-like. And a syringe with malt candy inside.
Heh.Way cool and I like the malt candy the most yo.

& mum's keeping me in suspense of where we're gonna go tomorrow,my sister too.
They ain't telling me. Sister just said that I'll like that place for sure. Cool,quite.
I feeel more like going to study,yes study.

There goes my plan with kongkong to go study. Craaaap.
I don't wanna be like some stupid bookworm, and I'm not.
Thanks Junwei for making me think this way,bitch. :)
But he has been a nice guy for long,I must be nice too.
Get well soon too!

Again,Smsed S* and he replied once and the rest-not.
He never fails to do that to me even though he said he's really gonna reply the next time.
I felt so damn forlorn last night.I broke down,really really broke down just because I couldn't take it anymore. I feel so downbeat now. Total crap. I can't read what he's thinking. I just felt that heI might not be the one for mehim. Then I'll be sorrowing.
There's things I wanna tell him, BUT HE AIN'T REPLY MY MESSAGES DAMN IT.
(Now I'm hoping he'll sms me and talk to me. I feel..lost momentum alr ok. T.T)

Hi S*,what are you trying to tell me by not replying my smses and all?
Do you know I feel so damn crap cause you know how I feel for you right and you're not..
I've no idea what you're thinking. I think I'm gonna end up like J*. Saaame state.
he can't get over exgirlfriend and I'm gonna get shitted by this thing.
(This is what I'm thinking,I think alot.Ridiculous things okay.)
Or it's the age. DAAAAAMNNNNN. I Lxxx S* and he's not bothered about it!! ):
I've no idea how he feeeels,damn. I feel like getting myself drunk. I've been sad for nights already,maan.
Damn. I just have to cross fingers and hope I'll get the one I want uh.
(And I know he won't be here,now I feel like killing myself.)

I'm not gonna do my work tonight,I'm gonna sleep.

I still miss you.
I feel damn down right right now.
And doing my research on homeless kids and all,
who wanna be that kind soul and do it with me.
I need help yo,I swear. And who's free to study with me?
C'mon,be nice.

I wanted to post on my private blog but..xanga's damn it crap.
I've not much idea on how to use it. So yeah.
I think here private enough yo.
I didn't tell much human about my blog url's change.
So I trust the people reading from my blog keep..quiet?
Very much appreciated yo.
(I know it'll never be.)
& oh! I hope you guys don't relink me.

This is so killing me,uhuh yes yes.
I picked up the courage to do it and I did.
But the more I'm trying to kill myself. Shit this.
I didn't expect all this to happen and yes no.
I REALLYREALLYREALLY FIND MYSELF GODDAMNIT RIDICULOUS.
It's like the gap's so...-.- and yeah,maybe I'll end up only joining the broken hearts parade uh.
Cause you know,maybe he's not those like okay I've no idea how to describe or smth.
I teared.I've no idea why.This is fucking unbelievable and something you all can laugh at for being so naive.
I am sad even though I sound like I'm not.

I think.Most prolly I'll get shit and get my butt in the broken hearts parade. Heh.
Yes man.Blame me for being so young and look so crap and fat.

Who wants to accompany me to Zouk?
Cause best. has her partner I think.Odd number.
I've no idea why are the tickets so damn cheap.
And oh, for movies too!
Men in white I wanna watch,who wants to tag along? Hee :)

But anyway, I miss you.
(Shut up carolyn.)

If I don't need you then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don't need you then why does your name resound in my head?
I swear my sister is one bitch at times. Even though I love her.
...
Slept at 5.30 last night,damn.
Half an hour of Tv. As usual.
Woke up at...1.30 today?
Felt quite okay though.

(Smsed S* but he didn't reply, damn...
I've no idea what I can do. I find this very ridiculous too.
Serious. No idea why am I doing all this. Okay,kanasai.
I don't wanna get shit by how he feels if he feels the other way for me.
Damn me. Why did I. I should die)

Yes. Burn you bitch.

Zb came my house to collect the Mp3 she left with me with Yinghui and Eug.
Sheryl came after. Tv-ed awhile then went Ikea for Yinghui and Sheryl's camp needs,untensils.
Bought some hotdogs and brownies and went home.

And now, at eastoftheweb reading some short story.
Rather read it from a book,way easier and looks shorter,on the net it looks like its never gonna end. But rah. Damn,I've to show Miss Tan the leaflet tomorrow. And I don't have a printer,nice one Carolyn.

I'm happy cause..
1) There's training tomorrow
2) I get money from dad and Sheryl

I'm sad cause..
1)I've to finish the damn leaflet and show it to Miss Tan tomorrow
2)S* ain't replying my messages and you know.. :X

This.is.driving.me.nuts.i.swear.

Adios.
Went dinner @ Swensen's with L.
Great time talking to him and stuffs, and shared alot things together.
Hah.His girlfriend's one lucky girl.
He gave me a small Kalms bear and a card. Hee.
He's like a brother to me yo. Brother bear. Hah!

Then I bought the book -for one more day like finally.
And headed back home. Stoned and tv till now.
And ordered Macdonals,very..sinful. Cause it's late already.
I realise I wasn't interested in Shaker fries anymore.
I left the paper bag and the Seaweed thing in the big paper bag.
Hahhah. I'm fat, ):

...
The book,there's a line that says:
Have you ever lost someone you love and wanted one more conversation, one more chance to make up for the time when you thought they would be here forever?If so, then you know you can go your whole life collecting days, and none will outweigh the one you wish you had back. What if you got it back?
...

I wanted the days back and I learn how to cherish my granddad.
Did I say I missed him yesterday or the day before?
I visited him only once when he was admitted to the hospital.
And I've forgotten about visiting him again when daddy told me he was still there.
I felt damn it sad when I thought of him.Really.Esp. the day he was cremated.
Now I've got only 2 Grandmums left. One with me and another one's not.
I really learn to cherish people around me. You've no idea when they'll go so yeah..
I feel sad now. Craaaap.

I've to be up early tomorrow or mum's gonna screw me cause I slept late tonight.
Waiting for time to pass,then I'll go bugis to meet L.
I've no idea why L. asked me out and sound so...weird.
Okay whatever, rah.

And I suppose S* won't sms me today. We'll see later yo.
And I feel sad. Shitz.
You're the one who doesn't need me first, not me :'(
Pffft. I'll be waiting anyway. Like last night, screw that okay.
I'm like wasting my night last night and I slept at 5, comp and tv.

I'll be back to bloggg.
At this very moment I feel very emotional. What crap right,like in the middle of the night?
My eyebags are..horrible. So I've to keep smiling when I'm out,so I can hide it.

Human need love(damnit,be it motherlove or bgr or w/e).
Tell me,who won't go after that person if that person knows that he/she loves him/her?

Since that night G* smsed me and I've been thinking.
And when I return to SG, I really gave give up after thinking so much.
Even though it's a love I can't leave behind after all,I have to.
Really.For some time after we broke up,I thought I was over him.
But I'm not. But I gave up on being jealous and all cause there's no point.
I only can hope he'll treat her right and yeah man.
Cause he said, if I don't fight for it then I won't get anything.
I said I'm tired cause I fought for G* so hard in the past,I got it.
In the end,I still lost it back to her. Nah but at least I use to have him.
Contented..but 9months..a bit that hard to do it but I'm fine now.
He treat me so harshly and I hated him and I've forgotten about him.
Maybe then,that's why he talked to me in such way during that period of time.
Sighs,nothing last forever yo.

Now,it feels so hard to find love.
(Wait,I'm just trying to say it's difficult).
I'm pampered and princess-y,spendthrift too.
So shit right. Can't change..rahhhh.
Rah and I suppose S* won't be online tonight.. sighs.
Maybe he's busy with his attatchment and training,rah.
Just wait for him to sms me yo.
Why ain't you the one asking me out?
I'm turning introvert-y.Really.I've no idea why's this happening but.
I just don't wanna say so much or let so much out now.
Being an extrovert for years,realised -nothing.

I miss you.
(So hard to express this feeling,cause no one compares to you)
I had trainings and feel so..shitz.(I think I played well today..not?).
Anyway.Abrasions on my shin. Crap pain. And cause of my new flats,blisters on both.
Shitz. I'm like some superwomen okay. Slept at 4 last night and 11 I'm already awake.
Heh,and I didn't yawn till 7 plus. So heroine right! ;D

I feel so emo now. Rahhz.

Do you get what you're hoping for?
Do you like the things that life is showing you?
When you look behind you and there's no open door,
What are you hoping for?
Do you know?

Sometimes we search this world for gold
When all we really need is just a hand to hold
Sometimes we let the greatest treasure just slip away
With words we forget to say too many times
Sometimes we make each other cry
Sometimes we're locked inside the prisons of our pride
Sometimes we break each others heart with the words we say
Let anger get in the way too many times

still, a heart needs another.
(but then,love is so hard to find).